Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Movies: Rare Exports

As much as I hate to admit it, it's now the middle of November, and Halloween has disappeared from most people's minds, as it does each year. Of course, there isn't really much difference for me, but sadly,  in general, the world is decidedly less spooky. So I suppose, in the UK at least, the next big celebration is...Christmas.

I have never enjoyed December 25th; not because of the religious elements, nor the annoying music. It's not even because of all the films that are so sickly sweet that just watching them is enough to cause sugar-induced vomiting. No. The reason why I dislike, and have always disliked, Christmas is simple...


Shoving innocent little animals into his sack

Okay, so I also hate the fact that Christmas is now being advertised not only in November and December, but also before and even DURING Halloween. Mainly, though, the problem is Mr. Jolly Red Nose there. "What?!" you say, "Santa? But he's just a magical, friendly old man that gives us presents!". Well you might think so, but you're wrong! Let's just think about this for a minute shall we?

1. He is watching you all the time. ALL THE TIME. Like a stalking serial killer, but worse.

2. He will sneak into your house, through the chimney, whilst you sleep at night. If you don't have a chimney, you can assume that he'll be smashing your windows with coal and picking your locks with his shiny Christmas knife (you know he has one).

3. He has a hoarde of evil minions (elves!) making toys traps all year, which he uses to catch puppies, kittens, children and housewives. Then again, maybe the elves aren't minions. Maybe they're being held captive and forced to work against their will.

And if that doesn't convince you, maybe the new movie from Finland, 'Rare Exports', will.

Yes, that IS Santa in a cage back there
Based on two earlier shorts by the film's writer and director, Jalmari Helander, 'Rare Exports' is set in the Korvatunturi mountains tells the story of a group of hunters that find out the true nature of Santa Claus, after he's uncovered by an archeological dig. Children start to go missing, and it soon becomes clear that Old St. Nick isn't the benevolent bringer of joy everyone thinks he is.

The movie is more of a dark comedy with occasional creepy scenes than a horror, but nevertheless, it shows the old man for what he really is, which is horrific enough. If you want to see for yourself, the UK release date is set for December 3rd.

Official Site: http://www.rareexportsmovie.com/


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